Today is my first 100% abstinent day from the food that were my poisons of choice. I am having a very hard time not eating away my sad feelings, my melancholy feelings. Through the process of working the steps in OA (Overeaters Anonymous), I hope to learn new coping mechanisms to deal with all of my feelings including sometimes just learning to sit with them and just feel them.
I know for a lifestyle change to really truly happen, it is more than about diet or what I actually eat. It is about completely changing my relationship with food. The first step in all 12-step programs is admitting our powerlessness over our poison and that our lives had become unmanageable. “We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.”
My addiction to food that is poison for me is a double-edge sword. Not only am I putting crap into my body but I also am spending money on that crap thus, creating double trouble. It has to stop. I cannot do it by myself. I need my higher power to help me. I need the program and the steps to guide me. I need my sponsor to help me through all of this.
In OA you also are supposed to come up with a food plan because, of course, unlike an alchoholic who has to give up alchohol, a food addict cannot actually give up food entirely. We just have to figure out which foods are our triggers that then cause us to spin out of control and give up those. I have worked out a food plan with my nutritionist. Today I have followed that food plan. I can only do it one day at a time. It truly is one day at a time and most of the time, especially in the beginning? one moment at a time
So for right now I was really bugging out about not being able to eat something really poisonous so I came here to write a little bit even though I am at work. I can now get back to work. 🙂