I always said when I was younger that I would be one of those women who grew old gracefully. I am on the edge of 59 looking over at 60 and believe me I am not growing old gracefully.
I look back at my life and wonder how did I get here – 59 years of age? I have to admit that I let my ADHD lead me throughout all of the experiences I’ve had. I have been impulsive, compulsive, flinging myself headlong into different scenarios of my life. Some I’ve landed on both feet and stood up straight and looked around and thought, “Yes, this was a good decision!” and sometimes I’ve tumbled and rolled into the scenario a bit bruised and wondering, “What was I thinking?” Yes, many people have said to me, “But you’ve had some interesting and exciting experiences!” I guess this is true but to what end? Some of these experiences left me battered and bruised (figuratively) with my psyche suffering so much so that I didn’t know if I could continue on. And then some experiences have left me feeling elated and happy and loved and worthy. It has definitely been a very exhilarating yet dangerous roller coaster ride.
Each scenario that I have flung myself into feels like a lifetime in and of itself. In other words, I feel I have lived many lifetimes in this one actual lifetime rather than chapters in a book. These scenarios have been much more than chapters that is for sure.