Struggle

I am struggling. I am struggling on so many different levels that it makes my brain feel overwhelmed. I struggle with how much to share here because I don’t want my mama to be embarrassed but I feel the need to share so that maybe, just maybe, I can be of help to someone else who is struggling. The struggle is real. That isn’t just some pop-phrase to me – because the struggle IS real.

My partner Gary and I watch survival shows like ALONE and NAKED AND AFRAID and I am amazed at the mental stamina those people have, especially the women. I am sitting here now at work and am struggling with intermittent crying and anxiety which most days is just an underlying nervousness just under my skin. If I get on facebook, I inevitably (mixed in with some positive posts) see posts that just hurt my heart so much that the anxiety does build. But, do I truly want to get on anti-anxiety pills? I kind of think that will hurt my empath tendencies. What I need to do is build mental stamina without pills. Pills won’t help me build mental stamina. Only practicing mental stamina will build mental stamina. Or am I just b.s.-ing myself? So whenever I feel like giving up or that I just cannot take life as it is right now, I remember those women in the survival shows and how strong they were mentally and I just work on my mental stamina.

Don’t get me wrong. My life really looks pretty good to most people looking from the outside. I live just 20 minutes away from my son and his wife and my grandkids (the reason I moved to Vermont in 2011). I’ve been with my partner, Gary, for 9 years this coming November, 2020. I live with him in the house he has lived in for 40 years and he has made me a co-owner of the house. He loves me and takes care of me and the house and lot. He loves my little dog Lucy and helps take care of her. I have friends here in this community and friends who live far away. I have a decent job that pays well enough. I mean. You would think I would just feel utter contentment and happiness. And, I do so love and appreciate everyone and everything ! But (and maybe this has to do with being an empath?) I feel everything so deeply. Bad things happening around me and in this town, county, state, country, world affects me deeply. It is a curse and sometimes it feels like a blessing. Anyway, blah blah blah …. me me me …

Enough about me. For anyone here who actually reads this post, please feel free to share your struggles and how you are building up your mental stamina from not having much mental stamina. I hope to find out one can (even as an older adult) build mental stamina. 🙂

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